Ridiculously Official T&C

Last Updated: 15 July 2025  |  Version: 🐜-1.0 (the itchy edition)

← Back to Calculator

1. Congrats, You’re Reading This!

By locating these Terms, you’ve joined the elite 0.0001% who read the fine print. Please accept this imaginary gold star ⭐️ and continue at your own risk (of laughter).

2. Copyright & Super-Serious IP

The word “Flea” is (allegedly) trademarked by an internet personality somewhere. We respect that by charging you $1 000 of Monopoly™ money per mention. Real lawyers call this “fair use parody.” Unreal lawyers call it “Tuesday.”

3. How Fees Work (They Don’t)

• Base Rate: $1 000 per “Flea” (payable in jokes, pizza slices, or Dogecoin).
• Early-Flea Discount: Spot the first typo in these Terms and your fee is waived if you email us a haiku about fleas.
• Late Payment Penalty: We send you 47 JPEGs of disappointed cats.

4. Data We Harvest (for Science!)

We may collect:

1. Your browser’s preferred snack.
2. The exact number of times you wondered “Why am I still reading this?”
3. Any stray crumbs stuck in your keyboard (strictly for cookie-policy compliance).

We promise to guard this data like a dragon guards treasure—poorly, but with enthusiasm.

5. Acceptable Use (Barely)

You agree not to unleash real fleas on unsuspecting friends, enemies, or ex-roommates while using the Service. Also, no automated scripts unless they begin with // TODO: make more jokes.

6. Disclaimer of Seriousness

The Service is provided “AS IS,” “AS IF,” and sometimes “AS SEEN ON TV.” We make no warranties, express, implied, or whispered to a rubber duck during debugging.

7. Limitation of Liability

If you somehow manage to unleash a biblical flea plague because of this Calculator, our maximum liability is one (1) high-five and a link to a pest-control hotline.

8. Indemnification, Probably

You agree to defend us against lawsuits filed by serious people who don’t appreciate jokes about fleas, games, or ironic trademark claims. Payment accepted in memes.

9. Governing Law & Disputes

These Terms are governed by the immutable laws of Chaos and the State of Confusion. Disputes shall be settled via a best-of-three rock-paper-scissors match, streamed live for maximum humiliation.

10. Changes to These Terms

We may rewrite these Terms at 3 a.m. while heavily caffeinated. If the changes are really important, we’ll send you a carrier pigeon—assuming the pigeon signs the NDA.

11. Contact

Email [email protected] or shout “FLEA ME!” into the void; we monitor both.

12. Final Comments

Bruce and Lips calm down you are the only ones who have read this thing to the bottom. Bruce we are sorry to inform you that you wont find any videos of Megan doing yoga on this site.